I’m tired of unhappy people

February 14, 2011

hmm
I’ve been told that happiness is 10% actual experiences and 90% is how you perceive those experiences. I absolutely agree with that statement. I have millionaire friends who seem to have life altogether, but are quite unhappy because they view their life through pretty clouded lenses. I have friends that live paycheck to paycheck who are always bright, optimistic, and generally very fun to be around. Life is way too short to hang around and work around people who view life through very pessimistic lenses. These people interpret every conversation negatively, they assume the worst in people, generally are passive-aggressive, and infect those around them even happy ones to become more negative. It seems like in the past few weeks, I’ve hung out with more of them than usual and I’m tired of it. Literally. I get tired and worn down by these people. It does no good for my soul, it changes my outlook even briefly as I “perceive” more closed doors than open ones even though the opportunities are greater than ever. The old adage “you are the company you keep” rings really true for me.

Most of my entrepreneurial friends are very happy people and perceive the world full of opportunities and not dead ends. I get so much energy and drive from them. Our world could use more of those people, they are the ones that create opportunities, seek to solve big problems, and infect those around them with happiness as well. Can you imagine a super pessimistic person trying to innovate? Why would they even try? Can you imagine an unhappy person trying to solve extreme poverty? Just seeing the stories around the world would send them down a negative spiral. It takes vision, an optimistic person - a person who perceives negative circumstances as opportunities. We are drawn to happy people. We want to follow happy people. They engender confidence, seek change, find purpose, and succeed even in the midst of difficult circumstances. It’s the salesperson who gets a no and realizes that they are just 1 more person closer to yes. I’m in the middle of hiring a few positions and I place a higher premium on happiness than talent. A happy person doesn’t mean a “yes” person, but it means that they are able to see opportunities like you and can create new ideas, fresh perspectives that accomplish the same goal. They are solutions people. Now, I’m not entirely sure how to filter for it yet, but maybe you have some ideas for me. Let me know what you think and whether you have some good ideas on finding and attracting happy people to work for you.

I believe that one can choose happiness and that very little of it depends on circumstances. I choose to enjoy the entrepreneurial journey, if/when it ends isn’t as important as the opportunity to be in a startup venture every day. I’m absolutely blown away by how fortunate I am each day to be able to go into work and do what I get to do each day. It’s crazy. People working together to achieve something great and I get to be a part of it. Getting a “no” on a biz dev is just not that big of a deal, just pick up the pieces and go again. Here are some of my random thoughts on being happy and staying happy:

1) You can choose to be happy even when circumstances seem otherwise.
2) Happy Gilmore did it best by thinking positive, fun thoughts. Just reflecting on the positives changes my outlook pretty quickly.
3) Be around positive people. Be around entrepreneurs!
4) Stop hanging around those who are negative energy and are constantly down.
5) Give. Not just money, but time. Be a mentor, introduce people, host a party.
6) Exercise. I think there’s some chemical that’s released to your brain that makes you more positive.
7) Watch and read inspirational stories. Happiness Advantage is a good one.
8 ) Plan something new then do it. I haven’t snowboarded. It’s time.
9) Set a goal each day and achieve it.
10) Reflect on what you learned that day. Part of what I think is uniquely human is our ability to reflect and learn. Not sure why many of us just want to forget the day, it’s an opportunity for us to savor life and what was memorable.

Love to hear your thoughts…

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165 Comments »

Comment by Paul Frantellizzi Subscribed to comments via email
2011-02-15 00:42:19

As a serial entrepreneur myself, I full agree Andy. I love what I do, and win or lose, I learn from the experience.

I have often found myself hiring young talent because of “spirit” or “passion” - a willingness to try a new idea. I do believe this coupled with a never give up attitude is a recipe for success.

Stay happy.

Paul

 
Comment by Nathaniel Broughton
2011-02-15 10:58:19

Great post Andy, I couldn’t agree more.

If you need a snowboarding trip - come out to my place in CO, I’ll teach you the ways of the mountain. Everyone’s happy on a snowboard. Hit me up.

 
Comment by Eric Kennedy
2011-02-15 22:42:39

Great post Andy. It’s human nature to mirror the actions and emotions of the people around us, so we must also choose our friends wisely. Happiness is hard to measure, but the NYTimes article about how obesity spreads through social relationships provides hard data about the subtle impact our friends have on us.

I’m remember reading a quote from a father who said he made certain to listen to happy music on his drive home from work because he realized how a negative mood would spread to his wife and children.

 
Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2011-02-16 08:21:54

Not sure if this matters but gratitude is a big factor for me…..just reminding yourself how fortunate you are to just be alive and get a second chance at life each day.

 
Comment by Karen
2011-02-16 08:25:50

I love this. My goal for the new year is to eliminate negative people in my life. They really are exhausting and not fun to be around. It’s hard to explain to people why the friendships have to end, but it’s for the best for everyone ( selfishly, me). As a person who struggled very hard for many years to find happiness, I understand the challenges people face and I empathize, but need to look out for myself. Happiness is precious!

 
Comment by Shaun
2011-02-16 09:35:17

Thank you for that post Andy.

 
Comment by Nick
2011-02-16 17:14:33

Thanks, Andy. I needed that. I run a virtual company and it’s tough to temper your emotions (good and bad) when you often work isolated from the world. The contacts you do have need to be positive to keep your mood up. I like the advice about volunteering - I think the Boys & Girls Club has my name on it.

 
Comment by Blake Subscribed to comments via email
2011-02-26 01:37:05

I am of a mixed mind about this. Some of the most brilliant people I know are not ‘happy’ people, and yet I value their company and opinions more than people in general.

Infact I often find that people who are *always* positive are usually faking it. And I hate fake personalities vastly more than cynics or pessimists.

Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2011-02-26 12:00:14

I do understand that some of us struggle with depression so it is unfair to put everyone in the same boat…..I think what this article is saying is that people who “can be” upbeat but choose to remain negative are a turn off because they are making everyone else down. However, I have the utmost respect for people who are struggling. On the other hand, there are legitimately joyful people who are not as you say “faking it.” No one is happy 24 hours a day….that is unrealistic….but to say that a generally upbeat person is being phony is pretty judgmental too. I consider myself an upbeat person who is content with her life and yet I deal with every day reality like everyone else. I’ve decided that I’m going to look for the positive side of my life with God, my faith and me leading the way. Whatever works for others, they have to find that for themselves, but for “me and my house, we shall worship the Lord.”

 
Comment by Marta
2014-04-16 20:17:55

Totally agree with Blake and half of it with Renee. Some people can not be blamed for being unhappy when they have lots of struggles and difficulties in life… It is a bit unfair to make a statement such as the one in the article… Be careful, as I know people who really try hard to overcome not just depression but abuse, poverty and some other difficult situations happening in the nose of others who have no idea what this is like, and who also like to just label people as “negative” instead of coming closer to an understanding of why certain is people sad or angry.

 
Comment by André
2014-04-19 00:05:22

I totally agree with Blake. But I’m not in the same state as the autor seems to be, but dont worry and excuse for it. I try to be happy alone and try to have a ‘good’ conversation with my unhappiness too. I became tired from so-caled happy people. It’s very rare to me to see a happy people, in general I see, superficial people and cannot be with them so long because it hurts. Sometimes I’m superficial sometimes too, but I need some space with no happy and happy people are not allowed to be. Maybe you have found happy people and you yourself as well, but I’m not so young and I’m tired from many unnecessary changes, interfering too much in other people life just because something looks like interesting, etc. When I start to see people more closely I see that so-caled happy people, in general are just exploit each other talking to much no-sense, doing to much no-sense as well and protect each other to get out of this circle of happiness. Maybe you are fortunate.

 
 
Comment by pau
2011-02-26 02:16:58

If you actually experienced, for just one day, the feelings of an unhappy person, like I’ve been sometimes, you wouldn’t dream of even saying such a thing as “you can choose to be happy”. Just encourage the happy ones to procreate like crazy, so that all of you can finally get rid of us.

Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2011-02-26 12:03:45

Generally, speaking most people can choose to be happy…..for those of us who struggle with depression that might seem unrealistic. I know what you are dealing with because I grew up in a household with a parent who was schizophrenic……it was difficult but I tried to remain positive even though reality was all around me…..it worked…..God is good!! Please don’t take this personal, as I have the utmost respect for people who struggle with depression and mental illness but I believe God is much greater than these things.

 
 
Comment by Evgeniy
2011-02-26 02:34:59

“Stop hanging around those who are negative energy and are constantly down.”

That’s an advice on the edge: what about friends/relatives who have hard times or just can’t be taught the “happy no matter what” state of mind?

Comment by yeah
2012-01-26 03:09:34

Exatcly.. souunds pretty naive to just be around during fun and then just ingore everything

Comment by whatbuttondid
2012-05-30 15:24:46

A friend is a friend is a friend…happiness comes in many forms…often that is the feeling that you haven’t given up on someone. Spread the love… x

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Comment by qdk
2013-04-01 15:24:29

a friend in need is a friend indeed , but a friend with weed is better

 
 
 
 
Comment by rachna
2011-02-26 04:30:14

Good post, Andy. I agree that we absolutely need to surround ourselves with positivity, and positive people - happiness and unhappiness is contagious to a great extent. And that’s what keeps life exciting, positive, fun.. and keeps the hope alive!

Though, I’d also say that it’s difficult - not realistic - to be or stay happy 24/7.. as sometimes screw ups happen and you go thru the blues and as a result you do not feel upbeat about things, and life in general - and negative thoughts creep up …all part of being human. So, while we cannot totally avoid these - the key is to get done with them asap, try not to infect others with our blue mood or negative thoughts, and consciously work towards getting back to the positive happy state. After all, happiness is more fun. :)

 
Comment by Robert Subscribed to comments via email
2011-02-26 07:42:25

If I see myself in the mirror every morning then it’s a happy day for me ! Live life !

 
Comment by zeus
2011-02-26 11:07:34

i find happiness in the little things, but sometimes, i like sugar! a little boost can go a long way. i also have come to realize like you said, it’s good to be surrounded by others that are like minded but i feel they hang around me to be happy! i mean it’s tough for me to be happy 24/7 but hell if i won’t try to make my life and those around me awesome -epic awesome (as my best friend says). i feel the best thing to do, the very first thing to do is only use positive affirmations in ever single scenario, then push, push, and hell, push some more and never ever accept that you failed even if you do. then again i’m used to rejection, i’m just not used to giving up :)

sometimes the person that is negative just needs a helping hand of perspective, clarity and shine to bright up their day. i know it’s hard to be in that spot, but i also know that as a good person, i’m here to try to make them feel better. maybe it’s the karmic evaluation in me that says i was in that situation and become empathetic, sometimes i don’ t have the perspective to understand so i ask myself, why is that person sad? could be a million reasons, then again, i’m lucky to have an awesome wife that helps me understand others since i’m such a nut. but then again, once you accept you’re a nut life gets easier.

she’s an almond. ;)

Maybe just, um, jerk it out right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=an6A-Wu6-B4

 
Comment by Bala
2011-02-27 00:02:10

Good one Andy. I couldn’t agree more.

 
Comment by dk - purposeinc
2011-02-27 02:38:46

The quest that begins with these thoughts eventually leads to great truths :)

 
Comment by ssnyder
2011-02-27 15:05:17

Happiness is all about neurobiology. Everything we think of as the human experience depends on the person’s brain. If someone can get the right neurochemistry and neuroanatomy via medication or experiences, they can have positive emotions.

 
Comment by teresa
2011-03-10 16:58:50

I’ve been told before that “what you magnify gets bigger” and that “an attitude of gratitude” makes all the difference….for what it’s worth….

Comment by whatbuttondid
2012-05-30 15:27:47

I like the idea of an attitude of gratitude…thank you Teresa x

 
 
Comment by utsa
2011-03-23 14:13:28

bullsfx.com me too

 
Comment by Daniel Subscribed to comments via email
2011-03-28 01:37:51

Amen! there is nothing more to say.

 
Comment by Aran
2011-04-04 17:01:37

This is an excellent article! Written from the heart. I fully agree that a positive attitude can turn even the most bland experiences into excellent adventures. Focusing on being happy every day is key to success.

 
Comment by Jason Frydakis
2011-04-05 04:40:59

Could not agree more… >> “A happy person doesn’t mean a “yes” person, but it means that they are able to see opportunities like you and can create new ideas, fresh perspectives that accomplish the same goal. They are solutions people.

:D Good luck!

 
Comment by adwk Subscribed to comments via email
2011-04-05 07:42:39

Deep happiness is unwavering in the face of adversity and is present in your life regardless of your surrounds or the company you keep. I believe it comes from more non tangible qualities which can applied to anyone’s life. Here are my quick 10
1. Live honestly – Make conscientious choices that are clearly in line with what’s truly in your heart. Trust your intuition and judgment and always take full responsibility for your actions.
2. Be compassionate & forgiving – Compassion seems to be often reserved for others. The ability to direct the same level of compassion and forgiveness to yourself allows you to effectively learn from experiences and move forward in a positive way. The ability to forgive others allows you to remain focused on a positive future rather than dwelling on events in the past.
3. Shed envy – Allow yourself to experience joy and happiness for the success of others. Learn from these successes and be inspired.
4. Have modesty and humility – Not only does modesty allow others to shine in their own space but it also crushes any sense of entitlement which can prevent you from putting %100 effort in. Humility can help you to open up to the ideas and thoughts of the people around you. Being humble is an essential ingredient in truly feeling inspired.
5. Engage in life – Being conscious in life is a beautiful thing. Open your eyes to life around you. Laugh with the person in the grocery line, weep at the tragedies in the news, . With a broader view of life, it’s easy to step back from a situation and appropriately address it. This can significantly reduce stress, leaving plenty of room for optimism to shine through.
6. Dream & desire – Look back on life and acknowledge that dreams have come true, (even if they’re small ones). Revel in those moments and keep dreaming. Hope can be a powerful motivator.
7. Admit and accept failure – Learn from the failures of others and of your own. Identifying and analyzing points of failure allows you to move forward in a positive way. Sharing these lessons with friends and colleagues can add value to a negative experience.
8. Praise – Give yourself a pat on the back for work well done. Take pride in things you do. Praise others for a job well done. Acknowledgment keeps focus on the things that are most important in life.
9. Build Relationships Get to know the people who surround you well. We are complex creatures and Happiness is certainly relative. Valuable, productive relationships can be built with a variety of personalities.
10. LaughLaugh every day.

Comment by amindfullyhappyone
2011-10-21 18:26:47

Right on!

 
Comment by vis
2012-02-27 20:38:46

very much on point! Thanks

 
 
Comment by Kevin Ball
2011-04-06 12:04:30

This post is so true. There is nothing wrong with being down occasionally; life has its ups and downs, and some of them justifiably bring you down. But continual negativism is incredibly draining, and not pleasant to be around.

As some of the commenters mention, there are illnesses like depression that make it very hard to simply become happier. But the good news is: There are both therapies and medications that can really help. If you are constantly depressed, seek help! It is a normal and treatable illness. You wouldn’t hesitate to go to a doctor if you had pneumonia; visit a psychologist if you struggle with depression.

And for the rest of us… slow down, take a look around. The world is beautiful, and filled with opportunity.

 
Comment by Chris
2011-05-02 20:53:28

Everyday above ground is a good one.

I have a little strategy for when I feel down. One is to exercise like a demon and the other is to help someone else. I think when we are down its because we feel overwhelmed by our current situation. Oftentimes that situation is not as important as we would like to think. When we look outward to others problems and assist in solving them we take a step towards realizing the importance of our own problem (often realizing we are indeed very lucky) and we achieve an ego boost from assisting others.

Just my 2c.

Great blog by the way. I just found you.

 
Comment by Rachel
2011-05-23 22:18:35

Not keeping company with negative people is extremely important. They affect you more than you might ever realize. The difficulty for many people that I consult with is that they try to help those negative people. It distracts from their own purpose, becomes a time-sink and drags them down.

Comment by UFI
2011-08-31 10:54:52

The world needs more people like you. Self-focused with not a care for anyone else or their problems. Happy people like you make happy people like me tired. Go away.

 
 
Comment by jimbrown
2011-06-04 11:29:08

happiness is 10% actual experiences and 90% is how you perceive those experiences

What if you can’t control how you perceive those experiences? What about the person who is unfortunate enough to win the lottery ticket for depression? Some people have a genetic predisposition for depression and were unlucky enough to have it expressed. You have drawn a confabulatory conclusion based on a faulty premise.

You can’t ignore everyone who is unhappy. Whether you are religious or not, you should have a moral obligation to help others around you. Indeed, our happiness is partially contingent on others - this is why we feel good when we help someone out. The only way to progress as a race is if we actively try to improve the well being of others as well as ourselves.

Encourage people; actively challenge them to change. If they don’t, then fine. Some people will never change, just like some people are psychopaths or sociopaths. You tried. But don’t give up on them without ever making an effort.

Your other recommendations are great.

Comment by amindfullyhappyone
2011-10-21 18:31:04

I’m sick of people who play the disability card. People who are chronically depressed also have a responsibility to do something about it such as go into therapy, get on medications or whatever. Yet, they won’t do it, and then they make their family and friends miserable along with them. Half the time the people aren’t really genuinely depressed. They’re really just control freaks and narcissists who think the world revolves around them. Yes, one is morally obligated to help, but what if the person refuses to get help, and instead wants to continue to inflict their moods on others, be abusive and exert control by insisting on dominating the conversation with their negativity? Fact: No one is “morally” obligated to be shat upon. Sometime one has to walk in order to be sane.

 
 
Comment by Patrick
2011-06-07 01:45:49

Your very solutions to the problem are what perpetuate the problem in the first place. You are selfish and only concerned with your own happiness and not the well-being of others. That behavior in itself is reinforcing and the root of the cycle of negativity in these people.

You have no idea what it is like for the other party. Do you think that unhappy people choose to be that way? That they choose to perceive things negatively? Do you think people are very fearful of things choose to be so? So much of our fears and negativity are rooted in parenting. Did you have really screwed up parents that you could never trust and abused you? Did you have parents that never loved you?

Its not just environmental experiences, its genetics too. Some people are more anxiety prone than others, some are more fearful. Even when young, one can tell if a baby is fearful or courageous, the baby doesn’t choose a fearful person. So even if such people’s parents are loving, their genetics may still cause them to grow up to be a fearful negative person.

By avoiding them and you only strengthen the cycle of negativity. You reinforce their sense of worthlessness, their despair. You make them lose hope in themselves, you make them doubt themselves. Maybe if you showed them some love and stopped being so selfish and caught up with your own happiness, it’ll help to break the cycle of pain and suffering. If you showed them love by putting up with their negativity and appreciating them for who they are, then they might learn to trust the goodness in others. And they would then pass down that attitude of positivity to their children, rather passing then the attitude of negativity and perpetuating the cycle.

Why not use your ‘choice’ and choose to be happy despite being around negative people? There’s no such thing as a lack of willpower. There’s only faulty and idealistic solutions for complex problems, and the easy-way-out response of blaming the people’s ‘lack of willpower’ rather than the flawed solution. Your ideas are akin to blaming poor people for poor, and telling fellow rich people to avoid them lest you catch their poverty.

Comment by amindfullyhappyone
2011-10-21 18:33:13

I suppose you think battered women should stick with battering husbands because they can’t help it that they want to beat them? HUMPH!

 
Comment by Travinka
2011-11-13 23:39:58

Thank you Patrick! Your comment is very kind.

 
Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-06 10:57:45

Sometimes “unhappy” people do choose to be that way……it’s a matter of perception. Whether you had loving parents or not…..God loves you…and you have a responsibility to accept or believe that. If you don’t that’s fine but don’t expect someone to ALWAYS be there to make you feel better. In fact, that is a very selfish idea….someone to always make you feel better especially if you’re doing very little to make yourself better.

I realize some of us struggle more with negativity than others, so we should have more compassion, tolerance and understanding but I vouch for the person who is at least attempting to create growth and not making excuses for behavior. It’s difficult to lose weight, have self control, do what you don’t wanna do….etc. but some of us have learned to overcome—for me it’s not by my strength alone—but through God’s grace.

I will not make excuses, yet I know I’m not perfect and I don’t always do what I should or could….the key….I keep trying. I don’t give up or give in. The battle is won to those who endure to the end. We are all fighting some kind of battle….just different kinds.

 
 
Comment by Evgeniy
2011-06-07 02:04:16

@Patrick thats really the best comment so far, +1

 
Comment by Chris
2011-06-07 05:32:49

@ Patrick.

Yeah its somebody else’s fault that people are negative and unhappy. You’re right in the same way that its McDonald’s fault for serving hot coffee to someone who spills it on their lap and burns themselves. You’re right in the same way that the masses now cling to the idea that Government can save them from recessions and in the same way that people are fat because the mass produced food is loaded with sugars and served to them in supermarkets and restaurants.

I’m miserable and depressed…its my parents fault, its societies fault…no wait its the rich’s fault. Clearly it’s someone’s fault. Bastards let me find them and make them pay. I should be happy and it’s not fair for others to be happy and wish to dissociate themselves from my miserable self. No instead it’s their duty to uplift me, help me, serve me.

Oh what a helpless lot!

For a logical and well written understanding of what selfishness really is Ayn Rand has it dead right in the virtue of selfishness.
http://www.amazon.com/Virtue-Selfishness-Signet-Ayn-Rand/dp/0451163931

Comment by Patrick
2011-06-30 19:03:03

@Chris

I never said it was anybody’s fault. Who’s fault is it that people are born with genetic diseases? In most part, I’m saying its neither their fault nor others. Only in some rarer instances, would I say it can be attributed in part to another person’s actions. If a parent constantly abused a person as a child and the person ended up depressed about life, are you not going to say the parent is partly to blame?

I also never said its anybody’s duty to uplift depressed people. Once it becomes a ‘duty’, any act of love to depressed people is nothing but a chore, and it would have missed the point of caring and loving a person. All I’m saying is that the act of ostracizing depressed people just creates a negative cycle that only makes things worse for them and yourself (if you’re a relative or a ‘friend’).

I would appreciate if you did not ‘put words in my mouth’. You seem to sound really bitter against depressed people with your sarcastic, mocking and self-righteous tone.

 
Comment by Patrick
2011-06-30 19:10:44

These people need help, not avoidance. This mentality of ostracizing such people is akin to the action of isolating lepers in the past and leaving them to die. It is akin to dumping the elderly in old folk’s homes to rot away in their last years of their lives. The rationale being that such people can’t be helped and they are simply a burden to you and society.

This is a slippery slope to a genocidal scenario whereby slowly the physically weak and mentally weak are slowly systematically avoided by society and then weeded out and destroyed. It may not be a direct destruction/murder of such people, but by ostracizing and avoiding them, it is a indirect way of leaving them to die from their diseases.

Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-06 11:09:29

Some people in nursing homes are avoided because their relatives don’t care enough to be with them….but nursing homes are a help and can be a necessity if there illnesses need lots of resources and help that a family cannot afford or give alone. God gives everyone a gift of service. Really this should be directed to those “healthy” people who the Lord has said to work with them and be there for them and refuse to do so but are more concerned about their own life and income. We ALL are amiss in this area. Needs are all around us everyday and no one person can address them all so you address those things that you can and leave the rest up to the creator. But we all need to be re-inspired daily to be an encouragement to someone else. That means that sometimes you have to remove yourself from the negativity….Jesus did it in the Garden of Gethsemane. He took the time to pray and empty himself so that he could be refilled by God to go and do the will of God. Notice that He did not try to solve every problem but just what His father sent Him to do. We would do much better as a society if we actually did what we’re called to do and not criticize and fight over insignificant things like being happy or unhappy.

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Comment by Patrick
2011-06-30 19:30:26

Honestly, ask yourself, who wouldn’t want to be happy? I think some depressed people tend to be sensitive people with low self-esteem. They only ‘choose’ to be negative because in some sense, its a coping mechanism to prevent themselves from getting more hurt and spiraling down further. Its somewhat like self-handicapping. By expecting to fail at something, you feel less disappointed if you actually do. Yes, its not a healthy way of dealing with things. Which is why they need a good deal of love and encouragement to raise their self-esteem and emotional resilience, and not just a simplistic ‘choose to be happy!’.

Its like telling a alcoholic or a smoker to ‘Choose to quit smoking! you have free will! Its that easy!’. In reality, stopping such behaviors involve so much more than free choice. It involves solving problems at a family level, a societal level, a cultural level. It involves teaching them about themselves, it involves changing cultures, it involves society not marginalizing minority groups.

If a person could just ‘choose to be happy’, anybody would most definitely do so. But its not that easy for everyone to choose to be happy in the midst of social oppression, constant failure in life, family conflicts throughout childhood, etc. Its easy to choose to be happy when you’re relatively successful in life, but what if you were the ‘not so intelligent kid in school who had no future’?

Comment by Chris
2011-07-18 06:10:24

Thank you. You just affirmed why it is that I refuse to waste my valuable time with people like you.

Another point I’d like to make. If you don’t like the show…change the channel. You’re not required to spend your time on things that clearly upset you.

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Comment by Patrick
2011-07-18 18:36:56

Explain why I’ve wasted your time. You’ve failed to reply with a coherent or logical response. You’ve simply avoided the argument because you don’t have a coherent and logical response. Its akin to a 3-yr old child who can’t find a decent response to his parent’s words and says ‘I don’t care what you say, I WIN! I’m gonna ignore you!!’. Childish and egocentric much?

‘People like you’? Are you assuming that I’m a depressed person? Mind you, I’m not. I simply work in a mental health setting and am speaking out for the people who you simplistically despise.

Change the channel? This shows your mentality as stated above - ‘If you don’t like it, avoid it.’, ‘Don’t like my job? Quit and join another job rather than work things out.’, ‘Can’t stand somebody? Ostracise the person rather than learn about the person and their perspectives’, ‘Marriage not working? Divorce and start anew’. You can’t avoid all your problems in life dude. You work them out. Grow up little boy. What’s worse than a depressed person are selfish proud people. In the end they are no different, just that depressed people have the humility to admit their shortcomings, while people like you are too stuck up with yourself to see your own shortcomings.

 
Comment by grace Subscribed to comments via email
2012-05-06 00:46:30

thank you Patrick, your comments are wonderful and true. i’d much rather spend time with someone like you no matter how unhappy they were than someone who was ‘happy’ but selfish. You’re one of the reasons it’s worth getting past depression-because amongst all the brokenness and selfishness, there are people who are compassionate, intelligent, have conviction and who truly care.

 
 
Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-06 11:12:47

I come from some very dysfunctional situations in my life….I will not go into detail but suffice it to say it was and is not pretty. However, in the midst of the ugliness I have attempted to be positive, uplifting and encouraging for those around me and myself. I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I CANNOT make others happy. I can inspire them but ultimately it is there responsibility to seek help……you are not deserting people when you refrain from playing God…..infact you are asking them to seek the only hope they might have and that is God indwelling in them.

So again, no excuses…..we make choices even when difficult. Choose to give your life to Christ…..so He can show you the way through this muddle of humanity.

This is not religion but relationship.

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Comment by test
2011-07-18 20:25:11

This is taken from you link on ’selfishness’. Funny that you didn’t read it yourself. You clearly sound like an individual that finds philosophical arguments that fit into your pre-conceived beliefs. Rather than reading about competing philosophies to guide you to a final end point.

 
Comment by test
2011-07-18 20:28:10

Read the editorial review of the book on ‘the virtue of selfishness’ that you posted.

 
Comment by test
2011-07-18 20:31:23

The editorial review basically gives a scathing review of the book and more or less discounts it as garbage.

 
Comment by test
2011-07-18 20:36:58

At the end of the day we can have differing views. But that shouldn’t stop us from from presenting them to try to influence others. Its just like the author of ‘The Virtue of Selfishness’ published the book for the purpose of influencing mainstream contemporary belief of ’selfishness = evil’. So nothing wrong trying to influence others with an alternative view. And nothing wrong debating and logically addressing each other. Rather than saying ‘I’m right and you’re wrong, blar blar blar, I don’t care what you say’

 
 
Comment by Randy Layman
2011-06-18 23:05:21

This post is spot on! I know so many people who seem to enjoy being unhappy and constantly bitching about it, yet they do nothing about it

 
Comment by Luke
2011-07-18 03:20:39

This is the same crap idealistic retards spew all day. “Life is too short…”

ye, well Life is too short to go running around acting like the world’s such a great place and you can solve every problem with a can-do attitude.

Seriously, get a Reality check bro. There’s nothing i hate more than some Stupid Fuck like yourself running around always asking why people are so gloomy. Life’s depressing man, if you can’t see that, well, we must see the world from two whole different perspectives.

But back the fuck off and stop trying to tell people how to live their lives. You can go around all happy, sunflowers and daisies, and i’ll be the pragmatic- albeit pessimistic person i am.

Screw You.

Comment by test
2011-07-18 20:22:41

test

 
Comment by Eddie
2011-08-08 20:26:36

Dude, if you can’t handle happiness and are constantly screaming for everyone to leave you alone; then why waste your time (and ours) and energy bashing positive people? Lighten up for crying out loud!

 
Comment by amindfullyhappyone
2011-10-21 18:35:00

If you feel that way, why did you come to this blog? Andy has as much of a right to his opinion as you.

 
 
Comment by test
2011-07-18 20:24:24

Can’t post. Testing.

 
Comment by Fuck
2011-07-20 14:44:44

Fuck off. It’s not your life. It’s ours. If I want to hate people, then so be it.

 
Comment by Alice
2011-07-21 06:21:44

The only reason I wanted to comment was to give a nasty comment, until I read through your article. True, sadness lodges in the hearts of some, but the best thing is not to give it dominance over your life.

 
Comment by Cristian Subscribed to comments via email
2011-07-21 18:50:50

I’m replying to as many of these kind of discussions as I can today.

Seriously sir, the sheer amount of disconnection you must command to not only ignore the state of modern life but to react in such a manner as to want to push away anyone that is actually effected by it is astounding and I will never understand it.

Do you actually believe that the people who built your computer for 50 cents a day are familiar with happiness in the way you perceive it? Or do you just ignore it and go about your happy day?

I have to put up with all sorts of ignorant souls like yours, every day. And not once have I considered cutting one out of my life until they actually went out of their way to do me harm or make me feel like less of a person for being who I am.

In other words, unless this sad person is attacking you verbally or some other way. You’re reaction is irrational and you have only yourself to blame for feeling the way you do around that person.

Life is to short to sit around smiling while there’s so much that needs fixing. There are tons of things for people to be sad about. You just ignore A LOT of them.

Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-06 13:23:42

Well, go about fixing them with sadness…..is this logical. I realize ppl are hurting but our being sad does not help their hurt. Fixing what WE can and leaving the rest to God is what man can do and should do. I will not let problems dictate my behavior or feelings. I don’t have my head stuck in the sand, I’m just impervious to it’s devastation….which is the only way I can truly make a difference in the world. If I’m always depressed and sad, what do I have leftover to give to those who are suffering? Think about it. It pays to be positive and encouraging….the only way to counteract the negative.

 
 
Comment by One of those people
2011-08-05 19:07:50

I’m upset right now. I just sucked at “my passion.” I finally decided at 24 what I wanted to do with my life and I just totally sucked under pressure. I agree. I’m choosing to let it rule me. Now, I’m not misinterpreting that I am bad at everything. My misinterpretation is that it matters. I suck, but should I be down about it? I think yes, but in reality, why? You’re right, optimism is better, but others are right that you have to remain ignorant about some of reality unless there is something even greater in reality that can overshadow all the bad. I don’t think “I’m absolutely blown away by how fortunate I am each day to be able to go into work and do what I get to do each day” is good enough. You have a prestigious job. You get lots of attention, yes positive and negative. There are people that never get the spotlight on a regular basis. For those people that want to scream “But back the fuck off and stop trying to tell people how to live their lives,” and “It’s not your life. It’s ours. If I want to hate people, then so be it,” Did you not choose to read this yourself? I know I wasn’t forced to read it. I don’t feel like anyone should back off or quit telling me what to do.

 
Comment by Eddie
2011-08-08 20:23:16

Thank you Andy. Life isn’t storm clouds and lightening all the time. I appreciate your post.

 
Comment by Cristian Subscribed to comments via email
2011-08-09 08:51:53

Hey, Eddie. The ‘Energy Bashing’ (lol so stupid) actually started with the original post about “I’m tired of unhappy people”. Which you are now reading and commenting on.

And is now proof of the ignorance I commented on in my first post here. Way to slam it home there Eddo.

 
Comment by Jesse
2011-08-12 15:00:23

I just stumbled across your blog and will for sure be tuning in more regularly. I love this post. I am constantly saying “happiness is not a state of mind but a decision that you make every day.” Sometimes I need to remind even myself of that. I have had a whopper of a day and this was a good reminder. I read your other blog on starting your own company when looking up information on this subject. I am meeting with 2 friends of mine in about 30 minutes to discuss our future business plan. I liked your down to earth, in plain language advice. I was an “animal” when I was in business to business sales. I walked up and down industial parks in my heels all day until I got that yes, and I loved every minute of it. I hope to apply this “go-after-it” attitude to my future business goals. Thanks and I am sure you will hear more from me.

 
Comment by some asshole
2011-09-23 23:26:33

you wanna know what i think? i think this is pretentious bullsh*t. you think everyone in life should be mindlessly happy all the time? youre an idiot. some of us have damn good reasons to be unhappy. if im in a sh*tty mood, im not gonna lie and put on a smile just to make phony, arrongant douchebags like you happy. be who your are, dont be what this stupid ass artiicle says you should be

Comment by amindfullyhappyone
2011-10-21 18:25:26

Hey, some a*hole, I’d stake my company payroll that you’ve probably haven’t gotten laid since the first George Bush was in office. No wonder you’re such a negative crank who has to go to random blogs to be a bully and take your own frustrations out on other people and try to tear them down. Get over yourself, will you? Your comments re: “some of have damn good reasons to be unhappy” indicate to me that you have an entitlement mentality, and don’t want to take personal responsibility for your choices. There are people who may “have reasons to be unhappy”, but the ones who survive and thrive are the ones who CHOOSE to not give into that stuff. Instead, they choose not to let it drag them down because they know that no one likes to be around a Debbie Downer. My mother used to say, Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone. If you want to be unhappy and have a pity party for one, that is your choice…and a choice of your own making, too. Just don’t expect others to feel sorry for you.

 
 
Comment by Wyrdstone Subscribed to comments via email
2011-10-04 05:22:51

It’s ok everyone. From looking at this Andy guy it’s a good bet that he is a psycopath. He probably doesn’t realize it so dont blame him.

The need to keep yourself happy and drive yourself ‘forward’ dictates a lack of happiness in general. If you were happy then there would be no need to make yourself happy. So an entrepreneur (stupid word) requires unhappy people to market to and therefore requires a strong understanding of what makes people unhappy and what makes people happy.

I think that Andy understands what makes people unhappy. I think that Andy can only acheive a sense of happiness such as he has learned from those around him, ie: ‘Billy is happy now. That is what it means to be happy. I will try to emulate the joy of Billy by doing something that will make me happy. Doing this thing will make me happy so that is what happiness is.’

Like i said at the start: psycopath.
There are millions of them.

Comment by amindfullyhappyone
2011-10-21 18:37:28

Since when is choosing happiness being a psychopath? It’s the ones who cling crab like to negativity who are psychopaths.

 
 
Comment by Melissa
2011-10-15 19:38:42

I get annoyed with chronically happy people. How can you be happy all the time in this world unless you are shallow, live with your head in the sand or aren’t that sensitive to the suffering of others. Seriously. I view Pollyana types with suspicion. Cloudy lenses? No, I think the rose colored glasses are cloudy. Genuine happiness is wonderful but feeling that people should be happy all the time is just unrealistic. People have mood disorders. This is often the result of a chemical imbalance of the brain. There is death, there is divorce, there is unemployment. I’m glad your life is so perfect Andy but maybe other people’s are not. If it was so easy to be happy why would there be suicides? I find the view that everybody should be happy as naive personally. No offence.

Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-06 13:06:14

John 16:33 (Whole Chapter)
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. Christ said it not me. He must be pretty stupid, huh.

 
 
Comment by Melissa
2011-10-15 19:49:43

Oh and I find it selfish that these “chronically happy people” (I don’t really believe they exist) want to push unhappy people out of their lives. Unhappy people need happy people the most. So when you say “give” but want to be selective in who you give to it appears insincere or elitist. Just admit that you are not happy all the time. Sincerity is even more attractive than constant happiness.”

Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-06 13:09:10

No one is happy ALL the time, but more happy than not….or shall I say content with life. And contrary to popular belief, it is possible. Not ashamed of it and will continue to promote it.

It is “selfish” to wish evil and unhappiness on others because you can’t see the forest for the trees. Just let it be…..those who are happy remain happy, those who are unhappy remain unhappy. It’s a choice. Give people their freedom.

 
 
Comment by amindfullyhappyone
2011-10-21 18:43:27

Andy, never mind the haters. I think you are 100% right on. Keep the faith, baby and stay positive :)

 
Comment by Deanna Manzo
2011-11-11 09:37:27

Very insightfull. I think happy people should be the new in-thing; i mean come on who really says, “I think I will be jeolous today, be hurtful today (which really means be un-happy today,” because all these things bring unhappiness. Be true to yourself, be innocent. That’s what the secret of happiness is: innocence.

 
Comment by Lucy
2011-11-13 19:26:06

I totally agree. I have a history of abuse and have forgiven the abuser. Based on that, you’d think I’d have a negative outlook on life. But, in fact, I believe because of it, I want to be happy. I get tired when I’m around critical or unhappy people. I’m sensitive to the pain of others and so it makes me tired.

 
Comment by Grubbs
2011-11-27 14:55:45

I get tired of it only because some of the unhappy people are unhappy for reason they can fix.

 
Comment by Mia
2011-12-04 15:54:06

Wow- I think a lot of you need to read the book, “The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today”.

 
Comment by Happy John Subscribed to comments via email
2012-01-24 05:30:20

You blame kids in USA schools for shooting people like you and then you call them and people who hated your “look at me” article as haters! look at what you are saying and doing to others first! Unhappy people is your problem in life ? you have nothing else to fix in your life ? wow you must be God!

You’re just a lucky bastard who happens to be the one on the other side and mistakenly thinks this is all because of his superior mentality, actually it has a lot do with your mentality, your “asshole” “I am better than you” mentality to be more exact, they lack that mentality!

Also Look in the mirror! God! you look like a human Chinese pig!

 
Comment by free_radical Subscribed to comments via email
2012-01-25 23:47:36

Ha, all the people who are against his “keep the negative people out of my life” comment should give him a break. His insensitivity is probably a product of his culture and to a certain degree, his Y chromosome. Now I am assuming Andy is probably of Asian decent, though I have no clue what he’s upbringing was like, but if his is anything like mine, then the people around him probably don’t care about feelings (at least those in Asia don’t).

I had depression all my life, and I am from Asia. Its funny coz I think the attitude that I was treated with growing up was exactly the attitude reflected here. My PARENTS didn’t want to be around me coz I was depressed as a child, and do you people really think that a CHILD chooses to be depressed? Everyone from my home country always only wanted to hang around people who were fake happy..I mean my elementary school didn’t like me coz I didn’t smile enough for her,,, I mean is my natural facial expression offending you? Now I am all grown up, I do understand I have a responsibility to try not to vent all my anger out all ppl around all the time, coz I do know it can get tiring for ppl around me, but this kind of lets-pretend-to-be-happy-so-all-your-problems-will-go-away altitude is just not helping. It’s not our fault that we see the world for what it is, and not in sheer denial. So thanks for nothing Andy and all your other happy people.

Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-04 21:29:35

It’s not “denial,” it’s what you choose to focus on…..yes, the reality of life is that it’s harsh, cruel, unfair……but because I believe that God is stronger and greater than any of these things….I choose to believe him when he tells me to focus on what is good, right, just, ….etc. Find my contentment in Him and not things. Most people choose to ignore this and seek their way……but it’s not about seeking to be happy but learning be content in a world that tries to tell you otherwise. We’re all learning. Jump on the band wagon. Or else, we would all go around miserable and continually hurting each other. What’s the alternative……look for the “good.”

 
Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-06 13:12:42

Denial is arbitrary……if you can see reality….then you can create an alternative. Don’t be deceived…..what you see is not always what is. I feel sorry for people who believe they have to remain “realistic,” they miss out on so much of life.

God expects us to seek his face and wisdom so that we can see the miraculous through the ugly……THAT IS A CHOICE!!

 
 
Comment by tatius Subscribed to comments via email
2012-01-27 22:52:26

Hi
I am very unhappy person, so hate me… In my 52, I have got an idea from my husband that he does not see any sense of living together last mmm - I even do not want to speak out how many years… Too embarrassing… My son, is always arguing and hate me because we have pretty much similar vision of everything, but sometimes it is looked like different, and we are also arguing… Whatever I have reached in my life is in a pats already… I have tons of things I would like to do, to see, and I have no motivation, my closest relatives hate me, I hate myself, and I need to come across all of that with some cool decision that I do not know how to make ….
would you hate me for that? would you tired of people like myself??

Comment by Ian Subscribed to comments via email
2012-03-09 16:41:04

Hi Tatius
For some time now I have been less than my usual “happier” self. Too an extent I know that the negetivity around me, working environment, continual bad news from the media etc has contributed to my more negative emmotional state. What has given me momentam too improve my situation is the realisation that change has to happen. Just this simple realisation about “change” has given me motivation and a sence of getting back on track or if you like control.
All the best
Ian

 
Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-04 20:47:26

No, I would not hate you but your pain is a vicious cycle. You’re hurting so your behavior hurts and pushes others away. Even if someone might try to make you feel better, you might not see any good in that…..so most people don’t keep trying. Being happy or content has more to do with gratitude towards God who has given us much to be grateful for….even the small things. You just need a new perspective and attitude on life. Jesus Christ came so that we could get that perspective. The bible is full of positive and uplifting words to soothe a tired and weary soul.

I believe most people want to help, but in their own power, they can’t maintain……so do understand. You also have a responsibility to help yourself.

 
 
Comment by shelly harrison
2012-02-04 19:49:37

there is nothing wrong in what was said by andy. i would however change the whole happiness thing and say contentment and peace of mind is more important. happiness can be a fleeting emotion; peace of mind is more a state of being, which rarely alters irrespective of the context.

i suffered abuse and was victim and volunteer to many horrible situations. i overcame them by going through the pain and really looking at myself. i tidied up my head and made better choices, left the pain and hurt behind, forgive those who hurt me. sometimes when others hurt you; you just have to realise and accept it is not about you. it is all them. contrary to popular belief not every parent loves their kid. when i came to that realisation, it was like a weight was lifted from me.

i concur that ‘happy’ and contented people should avoid negative, unhappy people at all cost; such peoples aura can be toxic. i love such people from a far and sympathise for them. i would happily embrace them and cheer them on if they decide to get it together, but they would need to do that and consistently strive to maintain that peace of mind and contentment.

LETTERS TO A YOUNG POET helped me on my journey. maybe it can help some of you.

 
Comment by Ian Subscribed to comments via email
2012-02-26 02:39:55

A smile is infectious
You catch it like the flue
When someone smiled at me today
I started smiling too.
I turned around the corner and someone saw my grin
When he smiled back at me
I knew I’d passed it on to him
I thought about that smile
Then I realised its worth
A single smile just like mine
Could travel round the earth
So if you feel a smile begin
Don’t leave it undetected
Lets start an epidemic quick
and get the world infected

Comment by Michael Beatty Subscribed to comments via email
2012-02-26 07:37:42

Ian…yes, yes, and another YES!!! I enjoy going to a convenience store early in the morning to maybe get a cup of coffee. Then, I really like trying to give a little joy to the cashier. That joy can grow, be passed on for hours. I really loved your post this morning. So, I guess you did your job for the day, because I will be passing your joy on to as many people as I can today. Maybe even longer! Thank you, whoever you are, where ever you are for doing such a seemingly small thing. the reality of the power behind doing such things is that you reached a guys who is 65 years old, was one of the first individuals to actually exchange funds via the Internet all the way back to 1991. I was one of the very first guys to ADVERTISE through “newsgroups”. and yet, after so many years the effects of plugging into the cosmic light socket of information yielded my being blessed to get connected up with you…there are miracles happening all around one, if he has the eyes to see, and the ears to hear! Keep it going…

Comment by Ian Subscribed to comments via email
2012-02-27 01:45:58

Thanks Michael
Lets keep the smiles moving.

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Comment by Michael Beatty Subscribed to comments via email
2012-02-26 07:28:02

I woke up this morning, immediately went to my puter, and googled “Why are more people not happy?” I did this for an unknown reason and came here to this exchange. I guess the lesson is that research, reaching out, taking the risk to get your questions answered is one way to relieve yourself of the repeated questions that come up to a conscious person. Yes, I watched the world news last night, and once again it took me out of my own little comfort zone. This is the way to happiness…create your own comfort zone, and stick to it, no matter what anyone says, thinks, or does.

 
Comment by Michael Beatty Subscribed to comments via email
2012-02-26 07:42:49

I have an idea…let’s see how this thought pattern grows. Feed it…post whatever you would like to post…let’s see how good we can make this thing!!?? Invite like minded folks!

 
Comment by Squishy Tomato Subscribed to comments via email
2012-03-04 05:26:57

I find there is a logical inconsistency when people (such as the author here) advocate avoiding unhappy people because they find the unhappiness “infectious”. If you’re so god damn happy and positive, and able to “make” yourself happy just using the power of your mind, then surely you shouldn’t allow yourself to be dragged down by other people’s negativity? Surely it shouldn’t make you feel bad to try to help negative people?

As someone who has fought and overcome depression a few times I have learned the following lesson: Spending time with people like the author of this article only serves to make me feel worse. Yes, guess what!! Your repulsion towards negative people is a form of negativity, and it’s infectious!! So now, I don’t waste my energy with the self-righteous “happy” people; instead, I seek out people who respect me and give me the freedom to be myself. That’s all it takes: respect. Once I have that, then I can grow and be happy and make my own positive contribution to society.

Comment by justwow Subscribed to comments via email
2012-03-19 18:22:34

The negative people I don’t want to be around are not depressed, they are mean, nasty and think they are better than everyone else. I have been depressed, there is a difference.

Comment by Luka
2012-06-04 16:48:21

Not true at all. I’ve been extremely depressed for the majority of my life, with true happiness being a fleeting experience that I occasionally get to enjoy. However, I most certainly don’t think I’m better than anyone else. I’m aware I suck, and I’m also aware that there are many people who suck just as much as I do, and I’m also aware that there are far better people than me out there. I just think life is an everyday burden and I’m convinced my brain hates me, by constantly afflicting me with depression and horrific night terrors and negative thoughts the moment I wake my eyes in the morning. The human condition is just that; a CONDITION as in an illness. Life is not beautiful; it’s difficult and mean and unfair, with only a few instances of true joy sprinkled about that some get to indulge in far more than others.

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Comment by justwow Subscribed to comments via email
2012-08-30 17:41:06

Honey, I am not talking about people with true depression. I am saying the people I don’t want to be around are arrogant, think they are better than others, they don’t understand loss or inability to function for whatever reason, they just think they rule. Bullies. That’s what I deal with every day.

 
 
 
Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-04 20:41:14

I don’t think the author is saying that people who have clinical depression or are struggling should be avoided….I believe he’s referring to people who have a choice…..they complain about their life and nothing is ever good enough. I believe their are people who have an illness and make every effort to work on that….that’s different than being with someone who drains you because they are not able or unwilling to do some work to make their life better.

 
 
Comment by justwow Subscribed to comments via email
2012-03-19 18:04:39

All I can say is, wow people. The happy people criticize the unhappy people, the unhappy people criticize the happy people. I am unhappy with “negative, arogant, overly critcal people”. The people I have to deal with daily are not depressed (i’ve been there). They simply think they are better then everyone else. They haven’t had to deal with a major crisis, or death of someone they are close to, or a major life change. They think everyone is stupid and they are perfect and feel they have the right to judge others who are different. I am generally happy and love life. Do I have my “moments”. Absolutely. I am the first to admit it, however, I thank God every morning for giving me another day to experience my life, my family, my animals, nature….Nobody is perfect. Everybody has a story, everybody has a past and experiences that make them who they are. One of my coworkers lives in a fancy neighborhood with a pool at their disposal. The kids refuse to use it. It’s not big enough. They want their parents to pay for them to go to a club. I love my little round plastic pool I can play in with my dog. I like to collect rocks from creeks and rivers to use as a boundary for my garden. I was told “well there’s nothing wrong with that where you live”. That is a negative person speaking. She has plenty of money, but wants to criticize. That has nothing to do with anything except arogance. Those are the negative people those of us living paycheck to paycheck need to NOT be around. They put us down for being happy with the “little” things. I would rather do the work on the house, yard, etc, and gather my rocks and such, than pay for something someone else has. If you have not been clinically depressed, you cannot tell someone who is what they need to do. Persons with mental disabilities or other difficulties do not necessarily bring this on themselves, yet society says they do. I’m not saying that is always true, but everyone is not the same. They do not need to be put down, they need to be helped. For those who have no excuse except they think everthing is negative and they just want to be nasty (bullies) and are only happy if others are unhappy, shame on you. There is a difference and the ingnorance is that many cannot see the difference.

Comment by André
2014-04-19 00:31:03

Very well exposed here. I’m not happy all the time, but I want to be happy rather then unhappy. And you are right. Many people are happy if another are unhappy even myself sometimes. But someone said a good lesson to me and I start to practice, but sometimes I’m not succeed. When I depressed, accept my depression and try to not spread all over, but allow the sadness as well, because it give us some deepths. But if you are fortunate I hope that you don’t allow people to take your happiness unecessarily because most of unhappy people like to do it. I want to be unhappy alone and happy alone and with people, things, etc.

 
 
Comment by J
2012-05-21 23:35:29

Thanks Andy. I was (and have been) having a rough time. Reading this post and the comments has rekindled my entrepreneurial, passionate flame nearly forgotten. Very much appreciated..

 
Comment by Meow
2012-05-22 15:16:38

Some of the display of communication in this blog is dispicable, some of it is pure ingnorance if not stupidity, intelligence, facts and just plain opinions. However apparent, to learn more about how the meeting of the minds is difficult for those with shallow ones. To each their own.

 
Comment by Meow
2012-05-22 15:21:17

Ignorant at that!
On a positive note:
Be so happy that when others look at you,
they become happy too!

 
Comment by Renee Subscribed to comments via email
2012-06-04 20:36:26

I don’t believe you should totally isolate from people that are depressed because we can help them if they want help. However, I do believe that if a person is not seeking to help themselves, it is not our responsibility to make them. Only God can change a person or make them better. There has to be some work on their part even if it means to continually pray, take meds or read something to keep their mind positive.

It would be totally cruel to remove yourself completely from people who are depressed but it would be also be unwise to hang around people who are depressed and unhappy all the time. There has to be a balance.

Comment by Dawn
2012-06-22 19:35:44

Renee, your comment is completely logical. I have made the mistake of trying to help someone for years who is on meds and in therapy, and it just has not gelled. This person “seems” to have made the decision to be miserable. Nothing makes this person happy. It is really sad. I don’t know what else to do, but I struggle with depression, myself, and have gone “into the black hole,” one too many times for this person. I have to find that balance that you describe in your post.

 
 
Comment by sotiredofthesealphas Subscribed to comments via email
2012-09-10 06:40:49

Mean people will never change and they like to mold in groups. These types will be energy vampires that take away from good people because they know not what they do. God bless them because they will need something when having to face Our Maker.

 
Comment by Ian Subscribed to comments via email
2012-09-17 22:07:27

A book that I read recently stated that the first casualty of feminism was humour. It went on to site family breakdown, societal tension etc as further consequences of this movement. All of these things do not make for a happy cohesive environment. Distorting natual truthes (and choices) and creating an unjust enemy is a sure way to make yourself and those who have to put up with you unhappy.

 
Comment by Jennifer Subscribed to comments via email
2012-12-27 09:36:31

I get really emotional about this kind of questions. Stereotypes take over going the extra mile to remind someone can be a him or her that you are happy and exuberant. Not everything in my life has worked out accordingly the way I wanted. However having to figh a person over my own happyness should not be a priority.
If you can’t welcome other people into virtues and define strength through friendship than I write you off as someone who didn’t care or uses manipulates kindness in the first place. Good riddance when I loose a job, a fair friend or just a drug / alcohol grump a lot. - My own worth!

 
Comment by John
2013-02-01 12:14:06

“Persons with mental disabilities or other difficulties do not necessarily bring this on themselves, yet society says they do. I’m not saying that is always true, but everyone is not the same. ”

You can usually tell when people believe this about you, so the best thing to do is limit your time with him or her. I have an elderly cousin who thinks bipolar disorder is the same as what other people call “difficulties,” in their lives. Needless to say, perhaps, but I don’t call her much anymore. While you need to stay positive, people like this merely belittle your condition. We all have difficulties, whether “sick” or not, but sometimes the “greatest” generation are comprised of the same people who say, “you just need a good kick in the pants.”

 
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2013-04-11 06:04:14

Honestly, i found this blog post rather depressing. Reminded me of when i used to work in a business school. That was also depressing.

 
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Comment by Jabriyah
2013-06-08 14:04:10

I suffer from depression and I have tried all these things… whenever I’m down I think of how blessed I am, but it doesn’t help. Do you think I want to be unhappy all the time? There are people in this world who have been through many things and have tried to get back up but it is difficult. Maybe instead of demanding happiness out of people you should try to listen to their problems and let them vent…. this could solve many problems in the world.

 
Comment by Raymond
2013-06-26 13:00:21

Actually what you said is true it’s mostly about perception. BUT I’m more interested in someone saying how can I help unhappy people feel better instead of I’m tired of them.

Comment by Ken Subscribed to comments via email
2013-07-19 08:42:47

You can indeed make them feel better, but the effects are very short-lived, because of adaptive hedonism. They’ll really appreciate it the first time you help. Then it quickly loses its effect. Before long, you’ll find such a person difficult to please. Eventually, it gets frustrating trying to help, because nothing works. And finally, such a person will eventually turn against you, because that’s their personality. I felt the same way as you, thinking that I can help, until I really immersed myself. My suggestion: keep a great mental or psychological distance from such people while you are helping, just like a good doctor or psychologist. if you develop feelings for the “patient”, you’re doomed. That’s what I learned from experience. Good luck.

 
 
Comment by Ken Subscribed to comments via email
2013-07-19 08:35:42

It’s all very true. Hang out long enough with severely cynical/pessimistic, insecure (”I’m the victim”), self-centered, complaining/whining, depressed/unhappy people, no matter how innocent-looking they may appear and no matter how much they want your attention and support, will ultimately doom you mentally, spiritually, and eventually physically, unless you make a clean break with them. I’ve learned that from experience. Would never have believed this, being stubborn as I am (pitying and sympathizing with such people), until I went through such an ordeal. Not that we shouldn’t help others. Just be selective with whom you are helping, because such people cannot be helped, since their mindsets are fixed (referring primarily to older adults of course, since kids are still learning and changing daily). Sooner or later, as you get to know them well, they’ll turn against you as soon as they find faults in you (being the extreme pessimists as they are).

 
Comment by Mitja Drame
2013-11-05 05:36:37

When you’re happy inside of you, when inner health is calm and full of energy, you attract similar people to your life. Outside world you see is your inner mirror. Learn from these experiences.

Love yourself unconditionally. Your energy will vibrate on the level of people who are similar to you. If someone is unhappy, don’t bother too much, because they have different life, different direction and purpose. Don’t judge. But help if you can.

Thank you for the book recommendation, I’ll read it.

Blessings,

Mitja

 
Comment by Elizabeth Subscribed to comments via email
2014-03-02 20:20:28

I’m not an entrepreneur, per se, but I definitely think I behave like one with the volunteer outreach I do.

Thank you for posting what you did; three years later, it’s still resonating with your readers. (:

I think the toughest is when that negative person at one time was your role model–your mom or dad who for whatever reason, went downhill. I definitely want to distance myself from my mother–but she’s all alone in the world at 81, so . . . I try to steel myself from her outlook, but it is true, that there is an “art form” almost to dragging people down–and my mother has perfected it.

I love that you can value someone’s upbeat personality over talent. You likely have determined how to screen for this in interviews by now–but I am always on Cloud 9 when a potential employer gives me a little project with a time limit that allows me to prove my worth, without regard to degree or experience.

 
Comment by Christian
2014-05-22 07:56:28

Sorry i am here to beat you in the head with my negativity hammer. This will be an global reply.

It is not that i dont agree with you or your view, everyone can get tierd and bogged down by someone who is always down, also professionals.
Even the most empathetic and caring people can get fatigue.
I could even get tierd of you, so be sure to stay happy.

Who wishes to be unhappy?. maybe some, but very few.
What if you could make a unhappy person happy (maybe that is what your trying here? I am not sure.)
Who wishes you to be unhappy?

The Word “infect” sounds like a disease to me. Medicate, kill or remove?.

If you get rid of all negative people, you will proberly end up feeling lonely pretty quickly.
And who then is to question?.
Bubbles will burst.
And who will come to your aid if you know none who can tolerate, or knows how it is to be unhappy.

Should a son or daughter hide their unhappiness or negativity if they were feeling unhappy. Or is that a different story.

Smile, and the world smiles to you?. That will be partly correct.
People do return a smile often.
But a street kid will proberly get very little out of an motivational speak only.

Both a happy face and unhappy face can provoke something.

If your parents were really happy happy, all the time. But never really cared, you would maybe end up really hating happy faces. Or loving it. visa versa.

… hmmm.. i could proberly add more.

Some keep only bad Company, Some keep only good….
In their view..

Being able to handle both sides must be what to strive for.
Otherwise you will be on the run. Dependent. and maybe blind.

Suggested books: “Smile or die”, “Mindwise” …………

 
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